It's Winter Solstice today, the shortest day and longest night of the year. Many people reflect at the end of the year in preparation for New Year's and New Year's goals, I'm sure. Because my birthday was the day before yesterday, I get a double whammy each year. So I've been reflecting on this past year and its blessings, which have been varied and plentiful on many fronts, especially my editing and my health, I feel very lucky to say. But what I want to focus on here is writing.
During this reflection time, I have felt this strong urge to engage with my writing, especially revising and getting stuff out. I've definitely put my own writing on the back burner, for good reason, for the last several months. But now I feel this. . .how to describe it. . .determination, demand, this fire in my belly to write, send things out, get this poetry project done. Though I have all sorts of ideas about blogging regularly and learning how to write reviews and doing all sorts of new things, I've decided that I absolutely must not sign up for any writing-related projects until my Holy Land poems are revised into their third draft. This is my winter project and when I emerge from the dark cold, so will this draft. Even if people are not clamoring for my poems, this collection must get done, even if it never sees the light of day publishing-wise. Writing is a pact of honor with myself; when I don't write or send stuff out or check in with myself as a writer, I let myself down, I get down on myself, I spin myself into this old familiar dustdevil, questioning whether I am indeed a writer and beating myself up for all I haven't accomplished. Well, I AM a writer. (Duh. Or I wouldn't have that drive at all.) Even if no one else cares, I must write what is mine to write and get my work out there.
Last year around this time, I had set myself the goal of 200 submissions in order to get really brave and keep myself engaged with writing and sending stuff out. I have sent out 140 poetry submissions so far. I have also sent out a number of job applications and resumes for specific editing projects--so many, I didn't count them. I'm sure if I went through my email for the year, I would count at least 60 job and editing project applications, some of which I did get, but many of which I didn't. I've gotten pretty brave. I no longer worry when I'm not chosen for an editing project (unlike earlier this year when I was pretty upset about not doing well on an editing sample). I'm pretty sure I met the 200 submission goal as well as the underlying point of the goal.
I don't know yet whether I'll set another like it for this year. 150 poetry submissions? I also got and unprecedented (in my career) six poetry acceptances this year, including getting featured in Lunch Ticket's Summer/Fall 2019 issue! So that was terrific!
So it's been a fabulous year in many ways. Considering how much has changed since this time later, I am excited about what might be true a year from now. But if I get to the end of 2020 and I still don't have much more to show for my poetry project, I am not going to be very happy. So I don't want to lose track of writing even when it can't be my top priority. I have this idea that I should show up as a writer, asking what that looks like each day so that each day it can be different and fit into what else is happening. The downside of this is then writing itself doesn't become an unthinking habit that I just do each day. For a long time this year, I wrote in the morning so it became the automatic thing I did after morning pages. But then I didn't like how long it took me to get to editing, which I needed to make more time for. Asking myself what writing looks like today means I have to consciously think about that and figure it out each day, which might be great in that I'll feel like a writer and might be awful because then it's this extra weight I put on myself each day without the benefit of a habit to slip into. I don't know. I may set myself other goals to help me on my way to getting this project done. But 3rd draft in 2020! It's going to happen!
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